bursten:

I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can’t have anymore food and I’m just never ready for that kind of commitment

132,763 notes

gnumblr:

reblog if you’re the gay cousin

74,281 notes

toothpast:

theworldisanapple-youareaseed:

lizzingwithkriz:

Pregnant Ghost Bat having an ultrasound at Featherdale Wildlife Park

congrats it’s a bat

[delighted bat noises]

toothpast:

theworldisanapple-youareaseed:

lizzingwithkriz:

Pregnant Ghost Bat having an ultrasound at Featherdale Wildlife Park

congrats it’s a bat

[delighted bat noises]

253,588 notes

averagefairy:

moms are so temperamental you say one thing like “have you seen my hoodie” and theyre like your HOODIE??? YOUR HOODIE???? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY THINGS I HAVE TO DO EVERY DAY AND YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR HOODIE? NOBODY HELPS ME IN THIS HOUSE I DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF AND NOBODY ASKS HOW I AM YOUR FATHER IS AN ALCOHOLIC 

124,254 notes

thickonce:

Even that baby like wow I’m close to Beyoncé

thickonce:

Even that baby like wow I’m close to Beyoncé

162,531 notes

mentalfacts:


Fact# 7502: A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

mentalfacts:

Fact# 7502: A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

54 notes

notchicken:

*releases 420 cows into a field* hahahaha graze it

420 graze it yes yes yes

200,625 notes

mentalfacts:


Fact# 7224: Having sex at least once per week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease by 30%, stroke by 50%, and diabetes by 40%. It has also been shown that men with an active sex life are more likely to live past 80 years.

mentalfacts:

Fact# 7224: Having sex at least once per week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease by 30%, stroke by 50%, and diabetes by 40%. It has also been shown that men with an active sex life are more likely to live past 80 years.

43 notes